Wednesday, June 5, 2013

This Is Working At The Public Library.

1. A pair from the University of The Third Age sit at the table next to me. When Lady Senior first describes her personal project of learning Esperanto, I think 'Oh my god.  When I retire, I am so learning Esperanto.' Twenty minutes later, 'For the love of fuck, please stop talking about Esperanto before I stab myself in the eye with a pen.' Also, flirting techniques for seniors: 'Oh, you so don't look like a grandmother,' followed by a tone adjustment to Low, Earnest, Really Listening levels and adding 'And are you fully ready for that change in your life?'

2. Stupid hipster barista gives me a dirty look when I asked him for more coffee in my coffee. A cup of foamy milk is not a latte, dude. I am not the twit here. You are the twit! You are the twit! Say clever and cutting things to him inside my head. Actually not very clever. More like 'You think you're so good. But you're not.'  

3.  Accidentally pour hot coffee on self and shriek 'Fucky fuck! Fuck!' Quietly accept dirty looks from amorous seniors. Bad library behaviour. I am the twit. 

4. Apply Pomodoro Technique to writing work and struggle to focus for twenty minutes. Sadly realise have the attention span of an adolescent chimpanzee. Unfortunately have more responsibilities. 

5. Check time for optometrist appointment and think about frames for reading glasses. Realise that while mocking seniors next door, I am in fact, tripping, metaphorically, on the heels of their orthopaedic sandals. 

6. Mmmmmm. Orthopaedic sandals.

7.  Seniors are leaving, perhaps for the early bird dinner special at the club.

8. Mmmm. Schnitzel.

9. Young man with wild hair has just set up his laptop opposite mine and is now eating Jaffas by the handful. This is why I love the library.

10. Stingy young bastard is not offering any Jaffas and now all I can think about is Jaffas. This is why I hate the library.

11. Totes! Awks! Male Senior just turned and stared intently at me for an uncomfortable moment. Was he thinking about his 'personal project' and forgot to turn off his staring gaze? Have I been mumbling out loud again? Or, sick of talking about Esperanto, is he turning his Casanova stylings to the coffee-stained, muttering woman to the left in the 'outfit'?

9. Realise that while I have been gently mocking seniors in my head, they have spent all morning engaged in light erotic banter and unpressured research. Meanwhile I have a busy afternoon in front of me full of cooking, cleaning, chaffeuring and refereeing who 'started it'. I am the twit. I am the twit.

10. Mmm. Retirement.   

3 comments:

  1. Aah I loved this Rach! Thanks for writing it...it was just for me and what I needed this afternoon...after a drive to Westmead (its some crazy appointment week that was not planned at all...I turned the calander to June and freaked when I realised all the years appointments were in one week)...Anyway, got to Westmead Dental Hosp for Matilda and the carpark was full. So I drive to main hospital...car park full. So I either skip appointment or park somewhere I shouldnt - I park somewhere I shouldnt. Matilda decides to use dental chair as a slide over and over whilst I try and talk to spunky professor...WE stop at coles and I spill the milk EVERWHERE. WE come home and rather than drop Matilda at school, I get stuck in project land...better today than sunday and then I take on trying to come up with a fancy plan to outwit the possum that has eaten my entire winter veggie garden. The possum is winning and has so far chewed through organic spray and vicks put on the railed to deter. I have replanted seeds and am now purchasing nets to cover the veggies. So, reading this was perfect at the end of a strange day. Made me snort tea. Cant wait for retirement :) ...but kinda, lots, love now too :)

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  2. This is old! Oh my, you made my day. So funny! Hope the afternoon was not too stressful, though!

    Fine

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  3. Gah, I saw the typo while I hit publish - too late! "GOLD" not "old", of course!

    Fine

    P.S. the word verification tells me to "act enotagot" - sounds cool...

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for talking to me. I don't got cooties. Oh, except for when I got cooties.