Recently I read a book by Kendra Wilkinson, who shot to fame as one of Hugh Hefner's trio of girlfriends in the hit show 'Girls Of The Playboy Mansion', an incisive and searing cultural examination of modern sexual mores. In 'Being Kendra: Cribs, Cocktails and Getting My Sexy Back', she examines 'life after baby'.
Also, she explores being an absolute nut job.
Let me give you 'Kendra in the shower':
'Usually, I'll make toast or an egg sandwich and a coffee and a smoothie and bring it all into the shower with me. I kind of have it all scattered round like a buffet. Some things are on the bath ledge, some things on the sink counter, some stuff on the floor. I'll put my coffee (in a covered to-go mug) on the soap dish and my sandwich right by my razor - close enough for me to grab but still not get wet. Maybe I'll leave my smoothie on the sink and kind of peek out from the curtain and grab a few sips here and there. I'll be shaving with one hand and have a coffee in the other, or have a loofah in one hand with soap suds trying to wash my body while I'm chowing down on an egg sandwich in the other hand...That's something I do almost every time I shower in the morning, and I do it all so quickly and efficiently that it allows me so much more time each week to spend with my family.' .
I am not just mocking Kendra. Well, I am totally mocking Kendra, but I am also grateful to her for inventing the personal hygiene/breakfast combo, and putting it on the page for me to enjoy. No judgement. Yes, she eats egg sandwiches while she soaps her mammoth bosom. But I transcribed her detailed showering routine, and I published it on the Internet, so I am clearly the bigger idiot.
I can warmly recommend Kendra's masterwork for its wonderful accidental absurdism, but I strongly suggest quickly applying Michael Eugenides The Marriage Plot to your brain afterwards. This wonderful book is even, more, like totally well written then. Hey! Why not take it into the shower with a nice prawn risotto and a Bellini?