Four-year-olds. They are hilarious! 'Oh, I think I did a fart,' my very precise one one said, perched on Keith's lap having a piano lesson. 'Actually that is right because all my nose can smell is poo.'
He likes to sing to me while I cook. 'Lady, lady, turn on the oven,' his song goes. 'Lady, lady, get in the oven.' This he regards as such champagne comedy he can barely get the lyrics out.
He loves to cook and plans to open a cafe called Teddy's Yum Yums. His sign reads 'Watch Him Decorate The Cakes!' Watching My Kitchen Rules with him last night, I asked what his signature menu would be. 'One hundred cold sausages and a cake made of icing', he said.
Yesterday, Ivy told Ted that her friend Izzy wasn't going to marry him anymore. Ted has been planning this event for about a year so he was surprised. 'Why not?' he asked. 'Because you're not handsome,' Ivy said, then laughed loudly.
I was immediately defensive 'What? What?' I said. 'He's the handsomest boy in town!' 'No, he's not handsome, ' Ivy insisted. 'And also, he's stupid.'
Laugh? She nearly fell off her chair.
'Stop it, Ivy!' I said. 'Why are you saying these things?'
Ivy rolled her eyes. 'It's opposite land, Mum,' she said.
Teddy had been eating Weet-Bix and watching the whole exchange. He was unperturbed.
'Well, I don't like that game,' I said. 'Teddy, do you know what handsome means?'
He thought about it. 'No', he said finally. 'It means good-looking, ' I said. He nodded.
'Do you care whether or not people think you're handsome, Ted?' I asked.
He thought again, a little longer. 'Actually, Mum,' he said 'I don't care about that at all.'