Georgie is obsessed with dummies. Every time we pluck one out of her mouth, she seems to magic another up out of nowhere. I think she is hiding them around the house like alcoholics hide their stubbies.
Today, I went to do the shopping and as I said my goodbyes, I whipped a dummy our of Georgie's mouth. She wailed in protest but I told her 'We want to hear you talk, George!' (Also, I was leaving, so I didn't have to deal with the fall-out. )
I had no pockets, so on a whim I stuck the dummy in my bra. Now I am not breast-tacularly endowed like some mamas, who can tuck car keys and tissues and pepper spray into their impressive cleavage, ready for any emergency. I don't know why I suddenly channeled a DD life. I don't know why I do half the things I do, in truth.
I visited several shops before I got home and went to the loo, only to realise that the front of me looked both terrifying and strange. Basically the dummy was poking at a jaunty angle out of the front of one bra cup. It looked like I had either a) a massive, medically significant growth or b) one nipple shaped like a jumbo-sized dog biscuit.
In general, as far as dignity goes, it is all downhill for mothers after childbirth. But I still think I reached... not quite a new low, but perhaps a unexplored avenue of humiliation today.
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Ha! I also tuck dummies into my bra. I'd say thankfully my breasts are big enough to hide them, but it's not really a blessing. I want my pre-baby sized boobs back.
ReplyDeleteI want the breastfeeding ones back, without actually having to do all the work.
DeleteThat is hilarious! I have never, ever even considered tucking anything into my bra - not even a tissue. One must repeat to oneself - an over the shoulder boulder holder is not a pocket! Kellie xx
ReplyDeleteMy new mantra Kell. Thank you
Deletehysterical, i went shopping with a dog turd hanging off my skirt on one particually stressed mummy morning! on the up side it was from my own dog! does that count as shame....do you know, i dont even feel shame now i think of it, thats what 3 kids and 2 dogs does for you...the inability to feel shame! xx
ReplyDeleteThank you for this Jane...shame shared is shame halved, yes? And I agree, things have to get really, really bed to worry about it. A giant nipple? poo on your skirt? Small potatoes. x
DeleteThank you for such an informative post about the pitfalls of inappropriately storing objects in underwear. But what is this dignity of which you speak? Bx
ReplyDeleteYou are most welcome my froggy friend. 'Dignity' is a relic of pre-parenting life...you leave it behind with the right to indulging a hangover and visiting the toilet alone I belive. Pat the bump for me xxx
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