Sunday, February 17, 2013

For Shame.

Georgie is obsessed with dummies. Every time we pluck one out of her mouth, she seems to magic another up out of nowhere. I think she is hiding them around the house like alcoholics hide their stubbies.

Today, I went to do the shopping and as I said my goodbyes, I whipped a dummy our of Georgie's mouth. She wailed in protest but I told her 'We want to hear you talk, George!' (Also, I was leaving, so I didn't have to deal with the fall-out. )

I had no pockets, so on a whim I stuck the dummy in my bra. Now I am not breast-tacularly endowed like some mamas, who can tuck car keys and tissues and pepper spray into their impressive cleavage, ready for any emergency.  I don't know why I suddenly channeled a DD life. I don't know why I do half the things I do, in truth.

I visited several shops before I got home and went to the loo, only to realise  that the front of me looked both terrifying and strange. Basically  the dummy was poking at a  jaunty angle out of the front of one bra cup. It looked like I had either a) a massive, medically significant growth or b) one nipple shaped like a jumbo-sized dog biscuit.

In general, as far as dignity goes, it is all downhill for mothers after childbirth. But I still think I reached... not quite a new low, but perhaps a unexplored avenue of humiliation today.

8 comments:

  1. Ha! I also tuck dummies into my bra. I'd say thankfully my breasts are big enough to hide them, but it's not really a blessing. I want my pre-baby sized boobs back.

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    1. I want the breastfeeding ones back, without actually having to do all the work.

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  2. That is hilarious! I have never, ever even considered tucking anything into my bra - not even a tissue. One must repeat to oneself - an over the shoulder boulder holder is not a pocket! Kellie xx

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  3. hysterical, i went shopping with a dog turd hanging off my skirt on one particually stressed mummy morning! on the up side it was from my own dog! does that count as shame....do you know, i dont even feel shame now i think of it, thats what 3 kids and 2 dogs does for you...the inability to feel shame! xx

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    1. Thank you for this Jane...shame shared is shame halved, yes? And I agree, things have to get really, really bed to worry about it. A giant nipple? poo on your skirt? Small potatoes. x

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  4. Thank you for such an informative post about the pitfalls of inappropriately storing objects in underwear. But what is this dignity of which you speak? Bx

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    1. You are most welcome my froggy friend. 'Dignity' is a relic of pre-parenting life...you leave it behind with the right to indulging a hangover and visiting the toilet alone I belive. Pat the bump for me xxx

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Thanks for talking to me. I don't got cooties. Oh, except for when I got cooties.