Thursday, July 19, 2012

Thank You Tiny Violins, You May Leave

Walking into Aldi today, I felt suddenly exhilarated. One kid at school, one at day-care and one with Nanna. Just me! Fancy-free and ready to linger with intent over the toilet paper and organic sultanas.  I bought a yoghurt maker. This has been on my maybe -list for some time, so it was a thrilling purchase. More soon! Can you even stand to wait??

Don't answer that.

At the till, I was preparing myself for the athletic pursuit of removing my purchases from counter to trolley with the kind of ridiculous speed expected, when the checkout guy held up my bottle of Shiraz.

'Do you want this?' he called out loudly from the other end of the counter. 'Yes', I squeaked.

'You can't take it through this till, ' he near-shouted at me. 'You need the one one at the end!'

'OK, ' I said. 'Just leave it then.'

'But do you want it?" he asked impatiently.

'Yes,' I said. 'But I can't use this checkout?'

'Yes!' he sad. He really did seem shitty.

'OK, I'll leave it then.' I said.

'So you don't want it? ' he clarified.

It was getting very confusing. 'I want it.' I tried to be direct. 'But I don't want to unpack all my shopping and change aisles.'

'I'm not asking you to change aisles!' he said. 'I'm asking if you want the wine!'

Oh. It was terrible. 'What do you want from me?' I wanted to shout. ' I'm thinking that red wine might make a nice replacement for Nurofen Plus at 5pm today!My back is feeling much better today but I really don't know how I'll go after all the shopping  and the housework and the school pick-ups and everything!  My friend Sarah suggested medicating with peach schnapps but I feel that route will likely end in a rosy nose and incontinence and a home visit from a DOCS caseworker. So yes! I want the wine! Are you happy? ARE YOU HAPPY NOW PASSIVE- AGGRESSIVE SUPERMARKET CHECKOUT GUY?'

Putting my trolley back, my $2 rolled away, and when I got home, I realised that the entire inside of my wedding ring was gone. Oh. That breaks my heart a little bit.

But, you know. Some things are important and some are not.

My back is much better. Ribs back where they should be. And I'm just home from a fabulous school-parent planning session for our end-of-year extravaganza. Comedy, flash -mobs, shiny lanterns, long tables. Laughter is just the best thing we humans have going for us.

Life, she is good.


18 comments:

  1. I've never understood that Aldi thing of rushing all your stuff through the checkout - so stressful...

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    1. Every time, I find myself wanting the checker to actually say something other than just looking grumpy about how slow I am...thus giving me the right gto embark on a ranty monologue about their stupid, crappy system. One day I will do it.

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  2. I need to share my similarly horrible Aldi experience with you. A few months back I went in for a couple of things and bundled everything into my Envirosax bag. Unloaded it - there were about 20 items. When it was my turn at the checkout, the converation went like this:
    Checkout chick: "Is all that your stuff?"
    Me: "Um, yeah"
    CC: "Next time get a trolley"
    [stunned silence]
    Me: "I beg your pardon??"
    CC: "Get a trolley next time for that amount of things."
    Me: "I'm not holding anybody up, I can carry all these things in one bag - it's really not for you to tell me how to do my shopping."
    CC: "Hmmmpfh"
    Me: "I won't be shopping here again."

    And I haven't!
    Goodbye Aldi, you really shouldn't employ rude people!

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    1. What is WITH that? I think Aldi may need to bump up their customer-care training programs..

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  3. your wedding ring!!! OH NO! can it be fixed? x

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    1. Cath, so devastating, the whole middle is gone. I will replace the whole thing one day but the actual ring was mid-19th century. sad, sad face. Now sit down and have a cup of tea please/. x

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  4. Your Aldi sells wine? Unheard of in Queensland!

    Oh cranky staff, they can really give you the shits can't they? I have had two really lovely ladies serve me recently though, one a fascinating mother of five. Thank goodness for the nice ones. Life is good for sure. :)

    Had your ring been resized recently?

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    1. No, no work done on it. Just must have been getting looser and looser.... And Aldi wine is not bad, I have to tell you! You need a glass post-shopping trip to recover from the stress of the experience.

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  5. The stress of the whole process at Aldi just about sends me over the edge!

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    1. Agreed. The shopping bit is a blast. But the grumpy speed-checkout really takes the fun out of things.

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  6. I propose that we all go to Aldi right NOW and buy a bottle of shiraz... then go out in the parkinglot and skull some and head back in to do a nice big trolley load and simply dawdle our asses off getting packing our trolleys and/or bags. maybe we should do it in pairs so we can be extra bold and infuriating and then annihilate anyone who challenges us. that's what my pathetic drerams are made of..
    aldi, you can bite my big, saggy bum.
    love minno x

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    1. I'm first in line to bite your big saggy bum Min. And that Aldi plan is sensational. Lets debate further. x

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  7. So, did you end up getting the wine? I'm really glad life is good. (With or without the Aldi wine. And in spite of losing the ring - that's terrible too.) Kellie xx

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    1. No wine Kellie! The bastard. And ring - Ivy found the middle bit! I'll update the blog. x

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  8. GLAD to hear life is good (the alternative is pretty lousy)

    SAD to hear about your ring, not in the car footwell?

    PLEASED that Aldi have never bothered crossing the Bass Strait!

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    1. HAPPY that you have such an emaotional range Angie. Aldi may not be but we are hoping to cross the Bass Strat next year for a month in Tassie. Can't WAIT. x

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  9. We don't have Aldi here in WA.
    I don't understand how your wedding ring broke? Can you fix it?

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    1. The onyx centre dropped out. But Ivy FOUND IT!!!!Now it's all packed away ready to be reset and fixed. Happy happy days.

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Thanks for talking to me. I don't got cooties. Oh, except for when I got cooties.