Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Road Trip

Back from a road trip that took us deep into country NSW for a wedding, and deep into the hell of sharing a hotel room with two excitable toddlers. I feel like I've been away for a month. I'm out of touch with blogland, buried in dirty washing and my body is groaning from all the driving.

In short:

Staying with two small children in a hotel room is not relaxing. A 'family suite' with 'built-in-spa' means an L-shaped room and a grimy, triangular bath. It may have been the height of luxury in 1984, but somehow, Keith and I didn't feel the urge to squeeze in together with some coconut bubbles and a bottle of Lindemans and toast the town of Dubbo. Also, the 'family suite' can suck balls. Toddlers do not recognise the authority of the invisible wall, so 'L-shape' just meant bedtime was a total nightmare. (Although Ivy never had so much bed-jumping fun in her little life.)

Ted, who is approaching two with increasing force of personality, was like a hurricane on legs. He runs, constantly. He is unstoppable. Used to a composting toilet, he found the water version in our hotel bathroom fascinating, and spent most of his time splashing his hands in it furiously. When dragged from the toilet, he was delighted by the toddler-sized fridge, and over and over, opened it, took out the butter, presented it to me and announced 'Bah!'

He's teething, and has diarreah.

Did I mention we all lived in one room?

Before we left for the wedding, he threw his head back and spilt my lip open. It still stings.The wedding on a cotton farm in central NSW was beautiful, but Teddy farted loudly during the ceremony. Long, groaning farts with a sqeak at the end. He used them to punctuate the vows, and to emphasise the final prayer. 'Amen, said the priest, and 'amen', murmered the congregation, and 'brraaaaaaaaaaarp!' announced Ted. The three rows nearest were shaking with laughter and the bride and groom both heard his commentary.

Apologies all around. Luckily for Ted, he is adorable with the equal impact that he is destructive.

Anyhoo, we are home, I am looking forward to getting some tough-love displine back in action, staying out of the car, boycotting McCafe (what else is a caffeine addict on holiday to do?) , catching up with my correspondence, putting the house in order and preparing to winter with a barbarian toddler.

...and yet,

and yet....

Despite the headache, and the backache, and the incredible amount of mess we generated (basically we drove home in a recyling bin), Keith and I spent hours of the drive wondering how we could take 12 months off and drive the family around Australia.


  1. hey, wait til ted's 3 or 4 and hit the road i say. we are already planning our year off! takes about a week for the kids to adjust and the adults too. cass just did 6 months in a caravan and her kids cried when they got home as they wanted to share a bed! m's care told me she is a dancing during story time and being the wind etc...she also refuses to wear shoes...they get a bit rough around the edges on the road...but i loooveee m this way! we are prob heading off again on thursday....but will see you later april. x

  2. I just did one of those exploding nose-laughs that made me choke on my own throat. Farts are always funny.
    We're planning 20 nights away in a 'family suite'. I can has lobotomy?

  3. So know what you're saying about the 'family' room.

  4. Currently residing in my parents holiday house (interpret as shed with dunny) with (are you ready for it): my parents, little Tuesday, my brother, my other brother and my other other brother, their attendant wives and children. Oh yes. Communal living. Not loving it so much... but the beach is AWESOME!

    Ted and the farts just got relayed to everyone. Best campfire belly laugh of the week!

    Oh and (because one can always say too much) I saw a camper van for sale today and actually stopped to chat to the seller about it. We're having a test drive tomorrow. Do those things take car seats?

  5. Oh man, do you realise how much I relish your blog. Your writing. My goodness girlfriend, I am shaking with laughter.

    I can definitely relate to McCafe. Unfortunately. We have almost all the McHappy meal toys. Thankfully no McHappy meals were eaten in the process.

    Here's to road trips.

  6. At some point I'll make it a rule not to ingest liquids while reading your blog, Rachel. Till then, I'll continue to snort (insert beverage of unfortunate choice here) out my nose as I catch up on your exploits. What a way to start the day!


Thanks for talking to me. I don't got cooties. Oh, except for when I got cooties.